Several years ago and for many months, I had a recurring dream that was both curious and enlightening. I am in a Nazi concentration camp, a prisoner amongst many others, dressed in the pajama type clothing. It is nighttime and for some reason we are not asleep in our beds. Instead, I am walking quite briskly around the yard, attempting to create some warmth in my body as a protection in the frigid night. The roaming light from the tower above cuts through the blackness on its mission to confirm my presence. In the dream, I am aware of the anticipation I feel in my body. Something is about to happen. And it does. Suddenly a solitary, large and bright light shines into our midst, the main gate to the yard opens, and a booming voice from behind the light yells: “You are free, come out, you are free.” I am both excited and cautious as I walk out toward the light.

While this story is no longer present in a dream for me, the vividness of its message remains in my memory. I have always felt a connection to the debilitating effects of human imprisonment in the concentration camps of World War II. In my work as a psychotherapist, I am interested in the story of Victor Frankl and how he, as a prisoner in the brutal environment of Auschwitz, realized the human need to find concrete meaning to human existence. My understanding is that for Frankl, even when the physical body is imprisoned, the mind can be free to perceive that one’s existence is worthwhile,

For me, the symbolism of a light shining on the path to freedom is meaningful. I often hear the desire for freedom from one of the partners who come for couples counselling. He or she states a need to leave the relationship to have this freedom. I hope that I shed light on this idea to confirm leaving as one option and the possibility of bringing other options out into the light to explore and consider. I believe that freedom includes responsibility to understand and accept the consequences of thought, feeling, and action.

You are amidst many who share respect for the right to a worthwhile existence. Shining the light on what you need to be requires a belief in your own worthiness, your intrinsic value. You are ready to be responsible in your desire for freedom and light. How do you describe the sensation, the physical and emotional presence of darkness, of imprisonment? Your fear of vulnerability and the pain of the shame of who you believe you are may hinder you from finding and using the words.

Perhaps you now realize that your attempts at survival to escape from the darkness have only imprisoned you more. Just as in my dream, you feel as a prisoner in the dark –  hopeless, anxious, overwhelmed or maybe even numb. However, you as well can still see the light when it shines and hear the invitation to freedom

You recognize the light because who you are is light, an ember of the Divine, Universal Light. With darkness throughout, you may question whether reviving the ember is possible or whether you are worth the reviving of the ember. Jabbing at it roughly is not necessary. Blowing gently on the ember as you do on a flicker of light at the bottom of a bonfire will suffice.

You know you have the help of the Spirit, spiritus, meaning breath or wind. Slowly and confidently, the ember enlarges and glows, offering the freedom of a unique experience for healing and connection. I invite you to appreciate your ember of the Divine, Universal Light, reflect it with others, and hear the voice of freedom that holds the light.

In my last article “The Embrace of Worth”, I refer to the word “embrace” to describe a willing and eager expression of support, of acceptance. What is Spirit that you are willing to accept, support, and express? The word “Spirit” may have as many meanings as the abundance of people who desire to have this relationship, to embrace Spirit.

The Latin origin of the word “Spirit” is spirare, meaning to breathe. Spirit is translated from the Hebrew, ruach, and the Greek, pneuma, to mean breath, air, wind. From my perspective, the references to breath and breathing are what keeps us alive, what gives us  life. Those who take a more theological and/or philosophical stance will have many more and different interpretations of the word. For the purpose of my writing, I am comfortable to consider the breath of life, Spirit, as the vital, enlivening force common to us all.

Those who speak of Spirit and God interchangeably may want to explain how their God  is a Being in physical form and with whom a relationship is experienced as with a person. Others may experience their God as an energy, not seen or felt as a physical entity, but seen or felt nonetheless. Our language, although rich and expressive, can be just as confusing. For example, what is Spirit as Consciousness, Spirit as Higher Power, Spirit as Universal Energy? You will understand that what describes the meaning of Spirit is worthy of consideration. What is to be attended to with equal importance and respect are the questions raised and the conversations shared.

I wonder about the significance that I write “the Embrace of Worth and Spirit” together. When I feel inherently worthy and loveable, does that mean that I am more accepting of the energy of Spirit? Might I also interpret the Embrace of Worth and Spirit to mean that when I feel the Spirit, God, Higher Power, Consciousness, Universal Energy, as loving and accepting, then I am open to consider myself as a loving and accepting person? The power of vulnerable inquiry continues……

How do you embrace Spirit? This experience is one in which the mind, body and soul are active, that is, vibrating in a positive, deliberate manner. As a willing and fortunate conduit to the vibrations of the Spirit, I am not an expert in all the techniques and strategies available to move the Spirit in your direction. However, I do appreciate the opportunity to present options and alternatives to those who are reading my articles and who seek my help in counselling and mentoring. In your motivated desire for better emotional, physical, social and spiritual health and for improved relationships, you are embracing the Spirit in your unique manner.

Whether you are attracted to meditation, positive affirmations, body energy work, the law of attraction, prayer, mindfulness, cognitive reframing, or any of the other clearing ways to embrace Spirit, you are inviting new perspectives of thinking, feeling, and behaving.  However the air, the breath of Spirit manifests within, around and about, it is unique for each movement, each interaction, and each conversation. All suggestions are worthy of consideration, respect, and practice.

Even hesitation and doubt need to be explored for the message they are expressing. What is the reason for the blocking of the energy? Could the reason be satisfied in a more constructive way? The willingness to trust – that is – to Take Risks for the Ultimate Spiritual Truth is a courageous stance. The Truth is that Spirit, as the breath of Life itself, is not an either/or but a both/and – BOTH a Divinity of deity related religious practice AND the deep presence of vibrational, energy practice. As you apply your power of choice, Spirit enjoys your embrace – the meeting of energies for all that is good.

What do I mean when I write about the next phase of my passion statement?

I use the word “embrace” here to describe a willing and eager expression of support, of acceptance. Similar to the human yearning to connect physically, the embrace creates a sense of holding close with affection. We usually hear the word “worth” to describe the value of material things, such as “what is this ____ (product, land, building) worth?” If asked “what are you worth?”, most people will likely respond within this monetary context. When people are invited to “embrace their worth,” I wonder if their automatic response is to think of how they would affectionately hold the money in their pocket or perhaps their gold bullion? What I hope you will reflect upon and acknowledge as true is the sense of your worth, or in other words, your “value of being”. With this perspective, I encourage you to avail yourself of all opportunities to express your worthiness as you participate and contribute to the goodness of the world.

My focus on “worth” originates with my interest in the human desire and lifelong quest to feel competent, satisfied, and complete. How is it that this goal is the destination of our life journey? Alfred Adler (1870-1937) developed his theories of Individual Psychology with an emphasis on the human striving for superiority and compensation. He wrote that everyone will attempt to conceal and overcome feelings of inferiority, those feelings of what I term as “less than”. His example of this behavior is as if humans are so fearful of being “small”, that they walk on their toes to make themselves seem taller.

My passion to inspire the embrace of worth is motivated by my support of the concept of the “BOTH/AND”. That is, I understand that people can BOTH understand feelings of inferiority as an aspect of their beingness AND find healthy ways to lessen the negative impact of these inferiority feelings. Adler wrote that the healthy person moves toward goals of self-mastery by integrating these goals with activities and relationships that improve the capacities of the family, community and the greater world.

With the current emphasis on brain research and neuroscience, you will know that the innate feelings of inferiority are reinforced by messages received and repeated as reminders of one’s unworthiness. These negative messages form neural pathways in the brain and, in their conditioned state, are difficult to change. Challenging, yes; impossible, no! Your courage and compassion will align with the guidance offered by those who accept the reality of “less than” and know the possibilities of “good enough”. Your responsibility is to accept that guidance and learn from it so your emotional responses of appreciation and curiosity are stronger than the emotional responses of fear and shame. You will form new neural pathways upon which you will travel as a Being of worth.

And for those who question whether they are worthy enough to even consider the embrace of their worth? As painful as these feelings of unworthiness are over a long time frame, they are often accepted as the norm, as the familiar. Whether this applies to you or to someone you know, you understand how humans creatively bury the pain of the unworthiness. When the creative act is to the detriment of those who want to lessen the pain, they suffer as does their relationships, community, and the world. One example of this less than useful creativity is in the behavior of addiction.

When feelings of unworthiness are so deep and prolonged, the word “shame” describes this reality. The emotion of shame can be felt similar to and, as well, more intensely than guilt. Guilt is about behavior, the external expression of your actions; shame is about beingness, the internal experience of your essence, your core. I describe this as follows: “oops, I made a mistake; I feel guilty, will reflect on lessons learned, and change my behavior accordingly.” The deeper experience is “oops, I AM a mistake; I am so ashamed of who I am; no-one will want to be with me; I deserve not to be here” – that is not to be considered as worthy of existence. My hope is that a person’s presence in the world will be celebrated as an acknowledgement of inherent worth. From this place, then we can accept that even worthy humans will make mistakes. The recognition of and conversation about guilt and shame is necessary and helpful to lessen their debilitating power. The integration of worth, through dialogue, meditation and prayer, as well as mind/body energy practices, creates a different and more constructive power.

I close with an invitation for you to consider the embrace of worth within the spiritual context. Some will describe their sense of worthiness as it is created and supported by a personal God who speaks messages of unconditional love. Others receive vibrations that resonate as they carry love from an enlightened energy, a consciousness, a universal spirit. When the divine energy and the human energy are considered as One, worthiness is truly embraced. I respect the importance of the cognitive, the “thinking” experience. I do encourage as well, the integration of the “feeling felt” sensation. When you feel felt, you receive confirmation of your presence, of your worthiness, in your relationship of choice — with your personal God and/or your connection with a spiritful, vibrating energy. Embrace it – embrace the worth of it all!!

Until recently, the word compassion seemed to rarely occur in modern daily conversation. Perhaps this is because its origin is more within the religious context in which the faith wisdoms of the world have always used it comfortably. The common religious theme is an understanding of compassion as an awareness of the suffering of another and a desire to relieve it. In secular spirituality, this same idea applies through humanistic qualities such as: kindness, empathy, concern, caring, tenderness, consideration, gentleness, warmth. “Love in action” is often equated with compassion.

In Buddhism, compassion is considered as the highest form of motivation. When you are motivated to generate genuine compassion, you understand your own relationship with the struggles of life, with what I refer to as the “darkness” of human existence. In a previous article, I wrote that the darkness can be balanced with the light, just as compassion can lighten the reality of pain and suffering. People who are motivated to decrease the darkness created by their life challenges, that is, who are more open to show compassion for self, are genuinely more aware to show compassion for others. We know the relevance of this today with the focus on creating more respectful environments and relationships, free of bullying and the inequality of power struggles.

In his book, The Compassionate Mind, Paul Gilbert writes about compassionate attributes as those shown to self and others. He describes these as caring, being emotionally in tune with feelings and needs, the ability to be with difficult feelings, memories or situations, an empathic understanding of why and how thoughts and feelings are as they are, and an accepting orientation towards self and others. This accepting orientation is central to an understanding and expression of compassion.

Compassion is about acceptance – accepting thoughts, feelings and the existence of self and others AS IS. In my counselling work, I hear those who describe their desire to relieve the suffering they experience from life’s stressors. Our conversations include an exploration of how they will take full responsibility to develop this quality of acceptance for self, as it is only with self-acceptance that acceptance of the other can be fully expressed. Such a progression brings individuals, couples and families and inevitably, the world, to a place of contentment.

Movement away from self-criticism and the criticism of others describes the journey of compassion; to be felt by self and expressed to others is its destination. Practicing how to observe one’s body responses, thoughts, and feelings in a non-judgmental manner is a good beginning. When you notice and observe with a gentle curiosity, you approach your life challenges and stressors with optimism and hope. Learning how to be consciously aware and pay attention in the present moment without negative evaluation or judgment develops a healthy relationship with self and others. Creating a personal quietness of gentle, inner reflection is the pathway to compassion. My invitation for you to walk with me on this “inspire compassion path” is an open one and I encourage you to accept it.

Knowing yourself well, as the unique human you are, will enhance your emotional,
mental, physical and spiritual health. As on a journey, the destinations are many and
varied. You are on the search for your truth and your curiosity will be your travel
companion.

You will know how you are progressing as evident in your connections, participation,
and contributions at work and play, in your community, and in your relationships. I
am hopeful that in accepting my invitation, you will share with others, the wisdom you
experience in your thoughts, feelings, and actions, just as I am sharing the wisdom of my
experiences with you.

The title of each article is from the context of what gives my life meaning and purpose in
both my work and in my relations with people.
I inspire courage, compassion and the embrace of worth and spirit, for the
freedom to be authentic, belonging, and creative.

I like the word inspire. One of its definitions is: to exert an animating, enlivening
influence on. My intent is to have influence with a healthy focus of my energy in a way
that invites you to tap into and appreciate your own. How will I do this?

Now I refer to what is termed the archaic definition of the word: to breathe or blow
into or upon, to infuse life into by breathing. Although not a student of Latin, my
understanding is that the Latin inspirare means to breathe. Notice how this all links
together. My passion to inspire comes also from the Latin word spiritus meaning breath,
breath of life. For me, spiritus is the origin of such meanings as spirit and spirituality.
When I inspire, I am the conduit of a universal energy that breathes life into and through
me and onto you. I trust that you can feel the energy that enlivens me so you breathing in
this energy will guide and move you as you desire.

As many years have passed since my career as a teacher of the French language, my
vocabulary has diminished. One word that remains prominent, however, is coeur,
meaning heart. When I write or speak about courage, I mean to put heart into.
Synonyms for courage include bravery, daringness, greatheartedness…need I go on?

In her work, researcher/professor Brene Brown writes and speaks of “wholeheartedness”.

She has designed a program helping people to focus their hearts on living the truth of
their story. From the experience of the stories I hear in my work, I have come to believe
that the whole heart is about the courage to explore, ask the questions, reflect deeply, risk
change, and accept the challenges of living in the world.

In his book The Healing Code, Dr. Alexander Loyd, makes reference to the “issues of
the heart” that Solomon wrote about in Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart above all else,
for out of it are all the issues of life.” It is not the intent of my articles to tell you how to
believe. It is my hope, however, that you will courageously open to the possibility that
your beliefs have an influence on your heart and that your heart influences what you
believe. From my perspective, this is all relevant and attuned to the inspiration of courage
for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and wellbeing.

My good friend Eric Hellman has written two articles that I support. I encourage the exploration of how spirituality can be a useful resource for healing, selfgrowth, healthy movement forward in the world. Only when this resource of spirituality, however experienced by the individual, is fully expressed can its benefits be realized. Please let Eric know of your spiritual experiences.

To Inspire Courage, Compassion, and a Sense of Worth, for the Freedom to be Authentic,
Belonging, and Creative

As I reflect on what I perceive is my purpose in moving through the world, I notice the
positive energy this creates. Would I want it any other way? Would I find meaning in
what I think, feel, and do in a negative way? The fact that I even ask these questions
has me wondering about the possibilities that my view of human responsibility may be
biased. Metaphorically, the light created by a positive focus seems more evident when the
negative options of the dark are considered. Might there be times, as well, when the intent
is to search for the dark as a reprieve from the light?

Let’s consider this topic in the context of what I wrote in my last newsletter about
striving for significance, for the sense of feeling good enough, worthy, valuable. What
might be viewed as negative thinking, feeling, or behavior expressed by others, could
be what they experience as usual, as familiar, as what is referred to as a conditioned
way of being. When this way of being no longer satisfies the need for significance, then
options for change will be considered. The wisdom message is that healthy movement
to the light, to more positive ways of viewing self, others and the world comes when an
understanding of the dark is explored. New learning is the invitation eager to be accepted.

One invitation was presented by those creating the dark energy evident in the street riots
following the final hockey game for the Stanley Cup. As I have written, one of the ways
that people experience belonging and gain a sense of significance is in destructive, or
what I will frame in this article, dark behavior. The causes of the mayhem that evening
are now in the media and public conversation and the viewpoints communicated of the
consequences strongly to be delivered are many. Even the experts in neuroscience will
have their interpretations.

I am thinking that one of these experts could be Dr. Daniel J. Siegel who reminds us
about the possibilities to master emotion and heal relationships in order to develop the
fullness of human potential. The darkness can be devastating AND the energy created
by the healing that follows can enhance the experience of value and worth. An aspect of
this healing is the anger; the primary emotion of sorrow is also expressed. Fear as another
primary emotion needs to be recognized and brought out from the darkness into the light.

My invitation to you is to consider the freedom of authenticity, belonging, and creativity
in the perspective of BOTH/AND rather than EITHER/OR. The latter perspective
suggests the need to choose one instead of the other thus creating an aspect of exclusion
and a restriction of possibility. The former, BOTH the light AND the darkness, depicts
balance, inclusion, and ultimate possibility. To acknowledge that the human need for a
sense of worth is the journey means to fully embrace the light along the way, knowing
the dark is a courageous and compassionate travel companion.